A Family Outing
by EJ Malfoy
Summary: The Dursleys take Harry on a camping trip. This is his journal of the events.
1. Monday

A Family Outing

Monday

Journal,

It has been the most horrifying day. And I fear that the next five days will prove worse. Today, the Dursleys have begun something too horrible to think ofa family camping trip. Just the thought of them out in the wilderness, "roughing it," brings me wide-eyes. It came about pretty suddenly

"We're going camping," Vernon said abruptly this morning at the dining table.

"What??" Petunia and Dudley said together. I remained speechless.

"I said we're going camping," Vernon repeated.

"Vernon, are you all right?" Petunia asked.

But it turned out that the only reason they were going was because of something Vernon had said. His co-worker had said he was taking his family on a camping trip. Vernon had blurted out that he had been a "coincidence" because he was taking his family on one, too. What a loser. His co-worker had then said that he would see him in the wilderness. Of course Vernon just now noticed that he had said too much.

And also, wouldn't ya know it, I'd be their "donkey" to carry all their things. I also was not to wonder off unless I planned on _accidentally_ falling off a cliff or something. And so a few hours later we were packed (me hiding some of my homework in my bag) and on into the forest. And through the whole thing Dudley whined.

"I'm hot and thirsty," Dudley said as we neared the campsite. "Can't we stop now. My feet are hurting _so_ badly!" At this Vernon told him to shutup, which was a first.

I was then told to pitch three tents. I now know that I hate pitching tents. Almost every time I tried to put them up, they would fall, and when they were up, Dudley knocked them down and said it was the wind. It was like that until Vernon told Dudley to go and get firewood. After about 10 more minutes, I got the tents up finally.

Petunia, who was used to her stove, didn't like cooking over the fire. Heck, she didn't even like lighting the fire. She thought it would come back at her and burn her eyes out. I secretly thought to myself that maybe it should. But of course it didn't.

After single-handedly making dinner for everyone, I was bushed. More like bushwhacked. But of course, I couldn't start sleeping yet. It's only about 2 ½ weeks until school and I stil have homework to do.

So I had to wait about an hour in my tent for everyone to get to sleep. Of course my tent was a run down while theirs were new and fancy. I then took out my things and started on my History of Magic essay. And I had to stop once cause I heard Dudley grunt.

So that's the day I've had. It may not sound gruesome but it felt that way. I'd better put everything away or someone will wake.

- Harry


	2. Tuesday

Tuesday

Journal,

Day 2 has come and gone. And it got worse today since it was a FULL day of things. But at least the day wasn't all bad. Here, I'll tell you about it

The day started with a yell from Vernon outside the tent. It started to make me miss my cupboardNOT! Well, Petunia made breakfast while Dudley whined about all the bugs he could hear through his tent. The little bastard almost convinced them that I was out there trying to scare him. But Vernon, for once, defended me and said he had checked at midnight if I was out. Thank God I went to bed when I did.

Dudley has always been a whiner, and a pretty damn good one at that. He once convinced his friends that I was an international spy against the CIA of Britain and I wouldn't stop til I ruled the world. Of course after a few days of furious beating on me, they discarded that. They quoted "No one who was an international spy could be that easy to beat up." Man, if I could only justZAP! I would be really happy. But I'm still under-aged. (Damn it!)

Anyway, Vernon decided to take Dudley hunting in the woods. Dudley immediately opened his mouth, pulling out all the whine he could spare. He even started to talk about some disease you can get by sitting out in the wild. He probably made it up. But in the end, he was forced into going.

"And if you don't catch anything, Dudders, I'll still love you anyway," Petunia said in a sweet voice. Bet she wouldn't say that to me. Well, that was that. Dudley went off with his bow and arrow (LOL!) and Vernon with his gun. And I got left with Petunia. Of course, they wouldn't let me just sit around and do nothing. So Petunia stuck me stupid things to do all day.

First, she told me to put out the fire cause she was getting too hot. Then she told me to go and get firewood. That took about half an hour. When I got back, she told me to rebuild the fire because a slight chill had come through. Right, like I believe that. She also told me to start cleaning up the campsite because some animal may come wanting food and we don't want them thinking we are pigs. I'm sitting there thinking: _What the hell do they care how good looking the campsite is?_ But I did it anyway.

It went on like that with different things all day until they came back. I help back a laugh when I saw two big marks on Dudley's forehead. The bow and arrow must have backfiredliterally! Dudley immediately glared at me right before he smacked at a mosquito on his arm, looked at it under his hand, and said, "Ew."

"I talked to my co-worker," Vernon told us. His co-worker evidently had a wife, a son, and a daughter around Dudley's age. "They've invited us to a hike on Thursday. I've accepted it." Wow, more fun. How can I resist? The problem is I can't resist because I have no choice.

Well, I cooked dinner for everyone again. I had BBQ beans. I almost wished I had brang my stash with me from under my floorboard, but they might have noticed something. I finished my History of Magic essay tonight. And I just got started on my Herbology essay. It's my second to last one.

Wait a sec, I just heard something outside. I'd better close up my tent. It's hot tonight, but I guess I'll have to bear with it. Well, until tomorrow.

- Harry


	3. Wednesday

Wednesday

Journal,

Oh my God! Today was just too funny! You wouldn't believe this. This actually starts from last night. Remember when I heard something outside my tent. Well, that was at about 1:30 in the morning. At about 2:30 a scream woke me up from outside.

I went outside to find a skunk running away from the campsite. Suddenly, an odor hit me like Dudley on a bad day. And it hit me harder when Dudley stepped out of his tent. I had to run into my tent and close it to get away from some of the smell.

It turns out that noise last night was a skunk. It must have seen our fire or something. Well, it went into Dudley's tent and slept for about 50 minutes. After that it woke up and it's tail brushed Dudley's nose. Well, when Dudley awoke and saw what it was he let out a scream like a girl. That must have scared the skunk making it spray Dudley and run off.

"What the hell happened?!?" Vernon said as he stepped out of his tent, only to hold his nose. When Petunia stepped out, she wrinkled her nose and went right back in. "Dudley Joseph Vernon Dursley" You know he was in trouble if they used his full name. "Why do you smell like rotten eggs and the smelliest of sock put in a vomit caserole."

"A skunk came in my tent and sprayed me, Dad," Dudley said slowly.

"Just get back in you damn tent before you stink up the whole campsite," Vernon said, going back into his tent.

"But Harry"

"Now!" Vernon said, sticking his head out of the tent, wrinkling his nose and sealing his tent. I could have died laughing but that probably would get the blame on me. I sealed up my tent and went back to sleep.

By the time the morning came, the smell had spread. Vernon immediately ordered him to try to wash the smell off in the stream. Dudley came back still smelling after about an hour and a half of washing. It was funny during most of the day but the smell got annoying starting at midday.

They couldn't find anything to get the smell off of him. So, they decided to make him move his tent and live in a nearby campsite. Dudley looked so funny, not to mention smelled so bad. Well, the rest of the day didn't have much. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon nearly forgot all about me after the "skunk" situation.

I was sort of glad I wasn't yelled at for the rest of the day. Uncle Vernon went out and caught some fish for dinner (which luckily I didn't know how to cook).

I am actually half-way finished my Herbology essay, so I'm going to try to finish it tonight if I can. I'll probably finish it tomorrow. Who knew Wednesdays could be so great?

- Harry


	4. Thursday

Thursday

Journal,

Another day gone by and I'm sort of glad it's oversort of. You'll find out what that means later. Well, the day started like all the others did that got me into a bad mood. My mood lightened up when I saw the empty spot between my tent and my aunt and uncle's and heard grumbles from the campsite near us. It made me laugh for a second to think that Dudley still stank.

Of course, I remembered that today was the day of the big hike. I really wasn't looking forward to it, but I knew I had to go. Vernon didn't seem to want to go either. I could also tell that Petunia missed spying on the neighbors. Vernon came over to me as usual when they took me somewhere.

"Now, you know I don't want any funny stuff," Vernon said. "I've got myself a paddle and I'm not afraid to do it." As if a 15-year-old like me am afraid of a paddle and him "using" it. Sometimes I think Vernon has some marbles missing up there.

So we went on our way over to the campsite, Dudley way behind us. It turned out that Vernon's co-worker looked a lot like him, fat and purple-faced and all. It didn't surprise me much though for some reason. We walked up to him and Vernon shook his hand.

"Martin," Vernon said.

"Vernon," Martin said. "I see you brought your family andwho is this and where is your son?"

"Oh, my boy had an accident' with a skunk a night ago," Vernon said, pointing behind them.

"I seeand him." The way he looked at me really made me wanna just turn him into a warty toad, but I couldn't which made me hate him more. Almost likeVernon.

"Oh, he'sour neighbor's child," Vernon said. I half-grinned. It didn't surprise me that Vernon didn't want to be known as related to me. If he ever had to say I was related to me in public, he would probably kill himself, right there and then.

"Does this boy have a name?"

"YesHarry." I was wondering for a sec if he would use my real name. If he had given me a name like Donny I would have strangled him, but without magic.

With that, we started the hike. I must have had about 2 hours of boredom on that hike. I would have stopped and gone back but Dudley's stench kept me going and away from him. I must have gotten smacked in the face with branches 20 times between their campsite and the lake, which was about half the way.

"Hi," said the girl as we passed the lake. She surprised me so much that I jumped. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay," I said. This was practically the first thing I said on the whole hike.

"You're pretty quiet for being so famous." This made me stop.

"How did you know I'm famous?"

"You're Harry Potter, right?" She pointed to the scar on my forehead behind my bangs. I nodded. "My brother's a wizard. He goes to the Scotsmith Wizarding School in Wales. I swear he must have about 12 books that have your name all in them." I chuckled. After that, we became fast friends. Her name was Alicia. We talked all through the hike about different stuff. I swear that I became attracted to her.

And you wouldn't believe what happened on out way back. She pulled me behind a tree for a moment andshe kissed me. It of course wasn't my first kiss but damn it felt good. The only reason we didn't continue for long was that Dudley was getting closer with his skunk smell and we rushed back to the adults and her brother. That was the best french that to date I've had.

When we neared her family's campsite, I told her I'd keep in touch. And I think I'll try. We came back to out campsite after we waved goodbye and ate something.

It's been about 5 hours since then and the Dursleys have kept to themselves. I've been working on my essays since then and am halfway through my last one. I'm so glad because I think there's only 2 weeks left before school starts. I'm gonna pack up and get to sleep.

Wait a second, I thought I just heard something. I'm gonna close my tent up and get some sleep. I don't want a skunk spraying me while I sleep and end up like Dudley. It's probably that skunk again. Well, I'm not gonna get sprayed. Good night.

- Harry


	5. Friday Morning, 4:23 A.M.

Friday Morning, 4:23 A.M.

Journal,

Oh my God! It's about four in the morning and something that just happened has just scared me out of my wits. Remember how I heard that sound outside my tent last night. Well, all I thought it was was that skunk again. What happened next hit me like a sack of potatoes.

I had been sleeping when, suddenly, my tent flew over. When I finally was able to get out of my mangled tent, I found that my tent had been thrown across the campsite. And a bear had been the one to throw it. It made a loud growl and started to come over to me. I immediately started to run the other way.

Vernon and Petunia got out of their tent and watched the bear chase me for a minute. When I saw this, I became full of anger and turned around, bringing the bear back to the campsite with me. It was the least I could do for them. Vernon gasped and went in his tent. He came back out with a gun, almost looking like he was going to shoot me!

He pointed the gun at the bear and aimed it just right. He licked his lips then pulled the trigger. CLICK, CLICK. The gun was out of ammo. I swear that Vernon looked at me as if I caused it.

I was running for my life with the bear directly behind me. I swear I wished that I had brought my wand. The Ministry of Magic would understand a life or death experience and this was definitely a life or death experience.

As I neared the campsite, Vernon lit the end of a stick with some fire from the campfire. When I got near them, I jumped behind them. Aunt Petunia looked furious with me, as if I should have been eaten. Yeah, right. She immediately backed from in front of Vernon as he started to wave the fire at the bear.

"Get away!" Vernon shouted at it. "Damn bear! Get away!!"

"Vernon!" Petunia said, holding a hand to her mouth.

"Not now, Petunia," Vernon said to her, still flailing the stick around at the bear. The bear howled at him, knocking the stick to the grounds and putting the fire on the end out.

"Oh no!" Vernon said. Petunia screamed so loud that I had to put my hands to my ears, though it sounded so fake. I rolled behind their tent as they started around the campfire, the bear chasing them and howling in the process. Petunia almost tripped on her nightgown one time, which I didn't fail to laugh at.

"What's going on here?" Dudley said as he came over. This stopped the chase scene almost instantly. Dudley's mouth dropped ans he screamed like a girl. The bear seemed to look at him and think one word: MEAT. I only think of one thing when I look at him too: FAT ASS.

The bear turned and chased after Dudley, who could only make fast chubby movements. It was like a loin chasing a pig, so to speak. I could have died laughing right there but I knew I should help.

"Run, honey, run," Petunia said. "Run for mommy so you don't get eaten."

"Run you blooming ass off, Dudley!" Vernon called. It seemed they couldn't do anything, so I tried thinking. I finally got it.

"Play dead!" I said. I swear all of them looked at me funny.

"Playwhat?" Dudley said, still running.

"Play dead. It won't hurt you if it thinks you're dead." Dudley could have just fallen on the ground, but he didn't. Dudley grabbed his heart area, spun around, put a hand to his forehead and fell. The bear looked almost as puzzled as me. Dudley really had to ham it up, didn't he? And he really needs to work on his acting.

Anyway, the bear looked at him for a moment. He sniffed him once, then ran away quickly. The skunk smell must not have worn off all the way, I guess. We ran over to Dudley, who was breathing hard, then backed away with wrinkled noses.

"Just go back to your tent," Vernon said. Dudley got up and went back to his campsite. "And you," he said, pointing at me. He looked almost like he wanted to thank me. "Get your tent set up and get back to bed, boy. You done enough damage."

I was completely disgusted that he would talk to me in such a way after I saved his fat ass son from being on the dinner table of a ferocious bear, but I went along with it. I always have to. Well, I'm going to get some sleep. Night.

- Harry


End file.
